Nothing Out of the Ordinary
by Tensleep
Summary: Two-Bit Rambles on about his morning, even if it is nothing out of the ordinary. WSOTT Aug.'07 Rumble contribution.


Let's call this a "lost" Rumble. I have no idea why it was never posted. Oh well. This was for the Two-Bit "Ramble On" August Rumble over at the WSOTT forum. Thanks to Zickachik for the Beta job.

Disclaimer: Yeah, the usual.

Nothing Out of the Ordinary  


Well, it had been quite a day. I know that most days fall under that category, but today was one of those ones that took the cake. I mean, it's not everyday I end up walking down the road in only my birthday suit for modesty. I chuckled to myself. Not that most of the people I passed thought that was modest, but it beat being beat up _and_ walking down the road with nothing on. At least the sun was shining. Now, if it were the middle of winter instead of the middle of summer, I might have had a thing or two to say about the whole situation. 

Even despite the nice weather, I needed clothes before some officer of the law decided I needed a couple nights in the cooler and an indecent exposure charge on my head. So I did what I always did when I knew I was going to get in trouble – I headed for the closest place to lie low for a bit. Today, that just happened to be the Curtis' place. I shrugged as I walked up to the house. Traumatizing the guys was better than traumatizing my baby sister. Katie was young and impressionable and all that. Not to mention Ma had warned me not to pull any crap for the rest of the month and she had a nice set of heavy cast iron pans. Man, the day Dad left, one of them went right through the front window after him and she'd barely had to even throw the thing it was so heavy. So I wasn't too keen on going home to that. At least the guys would appreciate the story.

It was with that thought in mind that I boldly opened the door and plastered a grin on my face. One thing gambling had taught me was that no matter what hand you had you always played it with confidence or one hell of a bluff.

Darry, Soda, and Ponyboy were all in the living room, which was perfect since I wouldn't have to herd them together to hear my story. I don't mind telling things over and over again, but around here you never knew who was going to pop in right in the middle of the good part and look completely confused until you told it again. So it was always better to get the gang together. Not that the whole gang was here, but you get my drift. 

Soda and Ponyboy were sitting on the floor behind the coffee table bent over the newspaper. Darry was sitting beside the laundry basket and appeared to be pairing and rolling all the socks in the entire house. Man, their lives really did get dull when I wasn't around.

"Hiya Curtises!" I greeted. "How's it hangin'? Hopefully not too loose."

Man, I cracked myself up, but I knew the better puns were still to come and didn't chuckle or let myself get distracted. 

Soda looked up with a grin on his face that kind of fell as he glanced over at me before nudging Ponyboy.

"Sorry. Hi Two…you're naked," he pointed out, blushing and looking back down at the paper.

"Well, hot damn, I am!" I grinned. "Thanks for solving that mystery for me, Ponyboy."

"Are you drunk?" Darry asked, not looking up from his sock rolling.

"Stone cold sober. Well, as sober as I ever get," I amended with a shrug.

"Alright, funny man. There's got to be a good story behind this one," Soda stated as he got up to stretch.

"Nah, nothing out of the ordinary, Soda-cola," I smirked. 

That's about when Pepsi wandered into the room looking under things and on things for some thing. Maybe he was looking for the thing that did the thing to the thing. If that was the case, the ketchup was probably in the fridge. I didn't say anything as Pepsi started trying to look under Darry for whatever the hell it was he was hunting.

"It's not in the chair. I checked before I sat down," Darry told him as he pushed Pepsi away from him. 

I didn't blame him. Not many guys would appreciate another guy feeling up their asses – accidental or otherwise. Kid brother or otherwise, either.

"What're you going nuts about?" I asked and Pepsi sighed in frustration which always sounded more like a growl. He was a funny kid.

"My wallet."

Oh, well that made sense. He'd have more luck looking for the ketchup; at least we knew where that was ninety percent of the time. Pepsi's wallet was only locatable about ten percent of the time. Goes to show what a Greaser considered to be a priority. 

Darry got up right about then and made his way towards the bedrooms. Pepsi took the opportunity to properly search the chair, but Darry'd told him it wasn't there and he was usually right. Pepsi growled and tossed the cushion he was looking under back onto the chair harshly. Score another one for Superman...

"Two-Bit, would you sit down or something?" Ponyboy asked, eyes still trained on the paper.

"And then you can tell us how you came to be lacking clothes," Soda added.

"What do you mean…" Pepsi chose that moment to look up. "Have you been drinking? It's not even noon."

I shrugged and sauntered over to take a seat on the couch. Pepsi sent me a dirty look, so I sighed and made my way over to the chair. He was too damn over protective of the damn couch. Before I could sit down Darry came back into the room with a pair of shorts and a T-shirt in his hands. He held them out to me and I smirked.

"Great! Visual aids for the story," I joked.

"Put them on," Darry suggested. "They'll be more appreciated that way."

He took all the fun out of life, but I got dressed anyways. It was a little chilly in here compared to outside and you know what that can do to…things. By that point Soda, Pepsi, and Pony were all sitting on the couch waiting for the story. If I wanted to start a wrestling match of epic proportions, I could have pointed out how they all looked like excited puppies waiting on dinner, but I still had a story to tell. So I sat down on the coffee table, ignoring Darry's warning look, and got ready to tell them about my plain old ordinary day. 

"Well, this morning I got up bright and early because I promised someone I'd meet them somewhere," I started.

"Yeah, we know all about your date with Kathy," Soda interrupted.

"Good! Then I can skip to the good parts." I grinned. "We were walking along in the direction of her place when we ran into Delilah." 

The boys all nodded. Yeah, any person hanging around with male parts knew all about Delilah. To call her a tramp would be like saying Darry was moderately involved in Ponyboy's life. It was a big understatement. 

"Now, she's practically groping me in public and Kathy wasn't having any of that. So she lets fly with those painted nails of hers and then both of them were rolling in the mud fighting over yours truly."

Darry made a doubtful noise. Ok, maybe they didn't get into a knock down fight and there may not have been any mud, but who wanted to hear about two catty girls exchanging cool comments? They didn't even get mad at each other and I wasn't entirely sure they were acting like that over little old me. That's why I was telling the story instead of one of them. 

"So Kathy kicked her ass. You know how Kathy is. Delilah may have slept with every hood in town, but Kathy's brother's probably warned off every hood in town. She's got pent up energy to use."

Ponyboy went beet red about then and I smirked. He was far too easy. Soda was on the edge of his seat and Pepsi was trying to look like he'd lost interest. Darry just frowned. There was no pulling the wool over Superman's eyes. Man, to have him as a guardian probably meant no fun whatsoever.

"Anyways, Delilah takes off, so I suggest to Kathy we head to her place and celebrate a job well done. Her folks are in Topeka visiting family and that brother of hers is always off somewhere doing something, so it looked like the perfect opportunity for some fun. So we get into the house and start getting into it." 

I smiled then because Kathy was a great gal and deserved my appreciation even if she wasn't here to see it.

"And then?" Soda asked, fidgeting.

"Well, I got down to my birthday suit when her brother stomps up the stairs."

They all made faces at that. Every guy hates getting interrupted, especially by someone who could kick their ass. I think Ponyboy was imagining that part, but hey. I didn't pretend to know everything about the kid. I seriously doubted he'd made it that far with a girl thanks to El Big Brother hanging around – all three of them.

"So I'm jumping off the bed and scrambling to find some clothes when he walks in with ten or fifteen hoods on his tail."

Again, Darry looked skeptical. Ok, maybe it had just been her brother, but he was one pissed off big brother. He looked mad enough to kill. You should have seen him reach for his back pocket the moment he walked in the door. 

"So I forgot about looking for my clothes and pointed to something behind them. They were stupid enough to look, so I jumped out the window. The lady next door nearly had a heart attack, but she's eighty or something," I shrugged.

"That's it?" Soda looked let down.

"It would have been if her brother hadn't jumped out the window after me and nearly sliced me from nuts to neck."

Actually, by the time I'd gotten myself untangled from the long, frilly, peach curtains he'd managed to get out the front door to wait for me outside, but the window chase was more interesting to tell. 

"So I dodge his knife, but he and his goon buddies decided I needed a lesson. So I ran for it. They chased me for about four blocks, throwing everything they could get their hands on at me. They gave up to get the car or something, so I decided that I'd come here for a while before going back."

"You're going back?" Pony asked, looking awed.

"Have you seen Kathy? I know she just stuffs her bra, but she has one fine –"

"Two-Bit," Darry warned and I smiled.

"You'll understand when you're actually allowed to look at girls without giving Superman here a heart attack."

I chuckled as Darry threw a rolled up pair of socks at me. It was the truth!

"Well, that leads me to the moral of the story."

"What? Don't do it at her place?" Pepsi suggested with a look that told me he didn't believe many parts of the story, either.

"Nah. Just make sure you lock the door if her brother's in town." I smirked. "Hell, even in state." 

Pepsi rolled his eyes and Soda laughed. Darry shook his head before standing up to get that pair of socks he'd thrown unfairly at me. Ponyboy was still blushing a little, but he seemed ok with the story otherwise. He'd heard worse. Stevie and me and Soda had made sure of that. But then, we didn't usually say anything when Darry was around.

"Good story, Two-Bit. You have the best adventures," Soda pointed out needlessly.

"And it'd better stay that way," Darry added sternly.

"And they always come with baggage," Pepsi said, standing too. "The big brother, fifteen gang members…Glory, Two-Bit, it's a wonder your lazy ass is still alive."

"The luck of the Irish," I shrugged.

"I thought Mathews was English?" Pony asked.

"Hell, kid. Damned if I know." I reached over to ruffle his hair, but he ducked his head and leaned out of my reach. He really was smart.

"Hey guys," Steve greeted, letting the door smack on the wall. "Lose your pants, Two-Bit?" 

I smirked and Sodapop smiled widely.

"You gotta hear this one!" Soda told him.

"If you're telling it again, I'm going to re-search my room," Pepsi stated, going to do that because, hell, everyone knew I was always up for another rendition of a good story.

"Well Steve, ten minutes ago I was missing a lot more than just my pants."

- End 

* * *

Ah, poor Two-Bit. He has so much fun getting into so much trouble!

Any comments at all are welcome and flames accepted!

See ya in the funny papers!!

Tens & Zickachik


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